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Article By: AazdakAlisimo
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Truly Grin, Snort and Bear It
So stressed out you feel like you are going to pop? Don't take everything so seriously. Yep, it is easy to say that but actually doing it can be a tad bit harder. Laughter can often be the best solution to any problem, so here are some quotes that should have you on the floor.
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. - George Carlin
For the man who has everything... Penicillin. - F. Borquin
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell. - Garry Shandling
If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it. - Anonymous
Only two things are necessary to keep ones wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. - Lyndon B. Johnson
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. - Dennis Miller
Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything. - Paris Hilton
If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation. - Rush Limbaugh
I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. - Dan Quayle
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. - Groucho Marx
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed. - Albert Einstein
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein
Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos. - Homer J Simpson
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. - Paul Erlich
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes we want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. - Tim Allen
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Aazdak Alisimo likes a good laugh just like anyone else, particularly funny quotes updated each and every day at FunnyQuotesDaily.com. Get your own completely unique content version of this article.
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