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Article By: HowardMacKinnon
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Child access during summer holidays
People and circumstances change. Children get older, their interests change and so do their needs. As a result, an access schedule that worked in the past may not continue to be in the best interests of the children now. Therefore, it is a good idea to take a fresh look at your summer access schedule and not just accept it because it has worked in the past.
If you do not already know, it is alright to deviate from an existing court order or separation agreement if you and your ex spouse agree. The order or agreement certainly comes in handy in the event that you cannot agree. However, it is always better for the children to have two caring and mature adults continually willing to re-examine things and make sure they get what they need. It is prudent to write out the changes that you have agreed to simply to avoid any misunderstanding in the future. Just a handwritten note signed and dated by both you and your ex should do the trick.
When making summer access plans do not forget that the children may hope to take part in activities that you have not thought of. Both parents should encourage the children to spend extra time during the summer with the parent they see less often during the year. However, it is also important, especially for older children, to have their own time to do their own fun things during the summer. Everyone should work together so that the kids can be involved in sports, camp, or whatever else they have in mind and still involve both mom and dad. Involve the children in your planning and look for ways to overlap time together with their other activities.
There are lots of special events and activities during the summer. Some of them might be just routine birthdays but others may be special family get-togethers, picnics, or special trips. It is important to consider the best interests of the children first and foremost when any of these events or activities conflict with each other. If conflicting events occur each summer than perhaps the children can participate with one parent this summer and the other parents next summer. If the events are once-in-a-lifetime opportunities than it would usually be wise for the other parent to give way and not force the children to miss out.
It is important for the access parent to effectively use the extra time with the children to build, or rebuild strong relationships. This will probably mean adjusting your own way of doing things - turning off your cell phone, checking your e-mail less frequently, spending less time working, etc. When children are younger their happy if you can just find ways to involve them in whatever you are doing even if it is just some gardening, home repairs, or other things that we typically do not think of as interesting or fun. As the children get older they will want to be engaged in activities of their own and your involvement may be limited to showing an interest in what they have been doing, watching them at play and encouraging them. If you can find something that they are interested in that you are either good at or equally interested in than you have struck gold.
The bottom line is that flexibility and cooperation serve the children so much better than confrontation and rigidity. Even parents who have not separated must negotiate with each other and make trade-offs when making plans for how to spend the summer. Each parent needs to place the children's best interests above all else and this almost always means making sure they maintain a close relationship with the other parent.
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