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Article By: KenrickCleveland
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The Downfalls of But
I really like you, but. . .
I agree with you, but. . .
You look great in that dress, but. . .
How do these three examples strike you? Do you get the feeling that what's coming next might not be very agreeable?
Precision with language is one of the hallmarks of a world class persuader and the big 'but' is a huge negator which can cost you persuasion power.
'But' weakens your ability to persuade. This is across the board--in print, in conversations, in e-mail, in all forms of communication. It's a tiny, yet dangerous word.
How does 'but' hurt you? Well, let's take the examples above. Have you ever had a romantic interest say to you, 'You know, I really like you a lot, but. . .'? What usually comes next? Well, how about, '. . .but I really just want to be friends.' Yikes! Or I'm sure we've all heard this at least once, '. . . but I'm just not ready to be in a relationship.' Ouch!
Then there's, 'I agree with you, but. . .' But what? 'But it's just too expensive.' Ugh. 'But I still think I'm right.'
The use of 'but' in the sentence negated everything that came before it. What is 'I agree with you, but. . . ' really saying? It's saying, 'I don't agree with you.'
'But' makes you sound indecisive. It softens the power of your message, lessening your authority and exposing weakness.
When persuading the affluent, avoiding this appearance of indecisiveness is especially important. What's more persuasive--using negating words like 'but', or a more solid statement like, 'I don't agree with you, and here's why'?
Pay attention to others when they use the word 'but'. It may feel like they're not telling you the whole truth, like there is something they've neglected to express. You might get the idea that something else is wrong. 'What else am I not aware of?' Our brains automatically perform something called a trans-dierivational search (TDS) in order to search for what's wrong. We actually attempt to read the mind of the person we think is leaving out information. This usually leaves us assuming they disagree with us. This is the very opposite of rapport.
I noticed a big but not too long ago when a young Hollywood starlet was interviewed before she went to jail (the first time). Her sentences were filled with incongruency. At one point where she said (and I'm paraphrasing), 'Well, I feel really bad about what I've done and I'm ready to face the consequences of my actions, but' and then she just trailed off. She didn't finish her sentence.
But? But what? 'But, I'm beautiful, spoiled, privileged, entitled and I can do whatever I want'? 'But bite me. I'll do whatever I please with no consequences'? See? That's where my TDI search went. I filled in her blank with my own mind reading abilities. I'd wager I'm not too far off on this one.
One of the great secrets to persuasion is reading between the lines. What people say is what they mean. 'But' is a perfect example of this. Listening to what people say is your job. Take a moment to distinguish the actual words and you'll likely be surprised at what they are really saying.
'But the word 'but' is a hard habit to break. . . ' you might say. There's a really easy way to eliminate 'but' and regain your persuasive power. Simply replace it with 'and'.
Here are some simple replacements to try. Instead of, 'I agree with you, but I still think I'm right.' Try, 'I agree with you and I still think I'm right.' Instead of, 'I really want to hire you, but we can't afford what you're asking.' Try, 'I really want to hire you, and we can't afford what you're asking.'
Notice how this gives you more credibility when speaking to others. The more congruency you have in your communication and the fewer contradictions you make, the more successful you will be in persuading others.
Article Source: ArticleZones.com
About the Author
Kenrick Cleveland teaches techniques to earn the business of wealthy prospects using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion techniques. Click here to get your own unique version of this article.
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