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The Most Important Marriage Tips Of All Marriage Tips
I was delighted to hear my father-in-law speak at a recent wedding. He has been happily married for over 50 years and says one of the most important marriage tips is never to be afraid to say "I'm sorry". If you do this, he claimed, you can expect many happy years of married life.
No other phrase is powerful enough to stop a fight and spread peace and joy throughout. Your spouse was ready to serve your head on a platter only seconds before these words were uttered. Now that they are in the open you are able to relax and get to making up.
You may think this solution sounds simple, perhaps too simple for this marriage tips to work. Men and women do not think of these words in the same way. For women, apologizing is easier than it is for man. Most men do not see the importance of apologizing.
This results in a problem. Women might think a man is not sorry just because he hasn't said so (when often this is not the case). Also, a man might misinterpret the woman's need to hear it as a lack of self-confidence and think she is dependent on him (this might also not be the case). Men should swallow their pride and say "I'm sorry" when they need to and women need to realize that a man can feel guilty about what he did to upset her, although they don't always express this feeling. Realizing this from both a male and female perspective could prevent a lot of problems in marriages.
This marriage tip, as with most all tips, is one that does no good to understand if you do not implement it.
Practical tips on effectively apologizing for married couples:
Take full responsibility for your mistakes. Don't take out your anger or embarrassment on your spouse. Instead of a half-hearted apology you need to let your spouse understand that you truly do have compassion and care about your relationship.
Don't only apologize for what happened; also apologize for how it made your partner feel. Rather than stating, "I'm sorry I'm late" you can elaborate and say, "I am sorry I made it home late. I hope I didn't worry you." To share a more of an accurate depiction of your feelings.
Be specific when making an apology. "Sorry for all the times I upset you," is too generalized and sounds like a politician trying to cover everything. This is also called a "non-apology apology". If there is something you want to apologize for, name it.
Timing means everything. His small mistake deserves an immediate apology. Larger mistakes that are going to take a little bit more time, thought and energy, these apologies need to be well thought out and shouldn't be spur of the moment. Once you've given some thought, then it's time for you to approach your partner with a sincere apology this should be done when you've got a 100% of your partner's attention.
You can explain what happened but try not to lay blame.
Marriage tips are helpful but seldom work miracles. You cannot expect your spouse to accept every apology immediately. If you have upset them a great deal, forgiveness takes time. State how sorry you are about what you did and wait for it to work. You will both be glad of the results.
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